Posts Tagged ‘rage’
The Adjustments
Posted on: October 24, 2012
The move took place and the adjustments have begun. Saturday the internet was installed and I did a ton of shopping. I got a new bed, bedding, a vacuum, basic household things I needed and the stuff that my friend was holding was dropped off. All the dishes were cleaned
and put away and I didn’t get as much unpacking done as I wanted, but I was trying to spend time with my girlfriend who was visiting as well as put my life together, one item at a time.
The dryer I bought had a three-prong plug and because the house I am renting is new, it has a four-prong plug. I went to Home Depot thinking I could just buy an adapter…. Yeah no, they don’t make such a thing. I had to completely re-wire my dryer with a four-prong plug. i figured out the grounding wires, the neutral wire, etc. When I plugged it in, I smelled a little bit of a burning/sulfer smell, so I decided to wait until the next day to figure it out.
Sunday morning I went to Home Depot and met with the electrician expert. Told him what I had done, showed him with cables how I wired everything and he looked at me and smirked… I felt like a dumb ass. Then he said “damn girl, you would make a good electrician” That’s right! I rewired my own dryer, who needs a man? I am woman hear me
roar! Raaaaaawwwwwwrrrrrrrr! Hahahah. That being said, I did buy a fire extinguisher anyway. I figured it was a good thing for me to own.
I had been trying to find laundry pedestals for a cheap price. The cheapest I had seen them were $199 at Costco and couldn’t find any used nearby. I decided to go on Sears’ outlet website and ended up getting TWO laundry pedestals for $64.00 total! They were the floor models (who cares) but the only bad thing was I had to drive to a city 45 minutes away to pick them up. I went last night after work and now
they are sitting in my garage until I can find a male species to lift the washer and dryer for me.
I have everything I need for the house except a dresser for my baby and some towels. I don’t know what I was thinking when we packed the trailer, but I totally forgot to grab his dresser. I have a plastic one I will use for now. Everything I have accumulated came rather quickly. The items were either donated to me, bought off of Craigslist, or at the Goodwill, and I must say my place is starting to look nice. Now if I could just figure out how to decorate?
The kids had been so good the past couple of days. No fighting, no bickering, nothing. Then their dad picked them up from school yesterday. I picked them up last night at 8:15 and noticed that the fighting seemed almost immediate. They bickered last night until I had to physically restrain my son, and they started again this morning. It’s amazing how much his negativity affects them. I just hope it is temporary and eventually they can go to his house without this effect.
The new habits are being formed, including everyone making their bed every day, shoes always in the closet, no dishes in the sink, no eating away from the table, etc. The kids are frustrated and used to getting their way, but this is the way it HAS to be and I won’t slip on these rules.
The most frustrating thing was that my son was in a violent rage last night due to his medications. He was thrashing and growling and nothing was calming him down. I finally had to call my husband to talk to him and calm him down. That was one of this single-parent moments I was fearing and it only took four days to arrive!
Last night before I picked up the kids, my husband called me and tried to start the biggest fight ever. I finally said, as calmly as possible, “you are infuriating me and I want you off of my telephone now.” I then hung up the phone. I told him I don’t care about any of this anymore and I will NOT fight with him. Hopefully, just like the children, he will soon learn and accept that this is the new normal. I will NOT argue about stuff that happened two, three, even fifteen years ago. I won’t do it.
My motion is forward and nothing is going to get in my way.
The confrontation that wasn’t
Posted on: August 7, 2012
The Confrontation that wasn’t…..
Sunday nothing was said about his rendezvous with the whore. So last night after he got home and did his “daddy alone time” I walked into the bedroom to hang up my laundry and the following ensued…..
Me: So are we going to address yesterday?
Him: There’s nothing to address
Me: What do you mean there’s nothing to address?
Him: Just what I said, there’s nothing to address.
Later on last night I was taking off with the kids to get some mashed potatoes. I was having a craving, don’t judge me. Lol. Anyhow, as I was walking out the following happened:
Me: I still don’t understand how you can possibly think there’s nothing to address
Him: You didn’t bring it up at all yesterday and NOW you want to discuss it? (as if I am under his timeframe)
Me: You told me you were going to shoot hoops, which you clearly weren’t. And then I get a text from someone I used to work with telling me you are out with another woman and there’s nothing to discuss?
Him: You say someone you used to work with like I don’t know who it was, you might as well just say what’s her name.
Me: You looked me in my face and lied to me.
Him: Yes I did. I didn’t want to hear your mouth if I told you the truth. I didn’t want to hear your overreaction
Me: You didn’t give me a chance to react at all
Him: Because I didn’t want to deal with you. We don’t talk unless we are snapping at one another so why would I come and talk to you about that?
Me: You rubbed In my face for the past five years about how I looked at you and lied to you and yet you did the same thing to me?
Him: (laughing) yeah, it hurts doesn’t it?
Me: Great, congratulations, you got your payback.
I walked out the door and nothing more was said last night or this morning. You could see the joy in his face. The absolute joy he got from hurting me. He told me before he would never be satisfied until he “devastated” me.
He’s such a hypocrite piece of shit bastard. I tossed and turned all night, I woke up a zillion times and I am exhausted this morning. Thank god for cosmetics, concealer and under eye brightener, because I am a hot mess this morning.
I never thought I could detest someone I used to love so very much. The anger is taking hold of me and I don’t like it.
I have no confidence, no belief in myself, no belief in love, no belief in the future any more. I have lost and am losing every bit of stability I have ever felt in my life, or for the last twenty years I have been with him.
I am taken back to my childhood where my parents would ask me which parent I wanted to live with, and me being paralyzed because I didn’t want to answer and hurt either of their feelings. I have gone back to my childhood coping method where I count the popcorn on the ceiling which allows me to zone out from my problems, the noise, the confusion, the yelling and allows me to turn down the anger and pain that is raging in my head.
Popcorn is my best friend as of late. I dream of living in a happy home some day with popcorn free ceilings.
Fake daddy
Posted on: August 5, 2012
So I sent him the text while he was with her. He was back home by 1030am.
He came in and sat in the computer chair in my room like he wanted to talk to me, but didn’t bring anything up. I ignored him. He then started playing with the kids and being super nice to them which he does every time there is something major between us because he knows it tugs at my heart strings to see him be the father he should be ALL THE TIME.
The difference was this time it disgusted me instead of making me smile. Everything he does is so incredibly calculated and I can’t stand it.
Nothing was said when I got back from shopping either, but you can cut the tension with a knife. It’s no fun to feel awkward in your own home.
The weirdest thing is: I don’t even care that he was knowingly with her today. I am actually surprised at how UNaffected I feel. The thing that is under my skin the most is that he had spent almost FIVE YEARS throwing it in my face that I “looked him dead in the face and lied to him” yet he did the same thing to me this morning, with ease.
His hypocrisy is what fuels my anger tonight.
smrisme 