Waves
Posted on: October 17, 2012
Having a rough night emotionally. I have been laying in bed for the past thirty minutes silently weeping so that no one hears me. I have so many doubts and fears.
What am I doing? Why am I doing this? What was I thinking?
Is my life really that bad? Is my marriage really that bad? Am I really able to handle being a single mother? Am I really ok being alone?
I know the financial doubts have been in my mind for two days, but now the emotional doubts, fear and trepidation are taking over. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I’m choking, like I can’t breathe and I have no one to talk to. I’ve already worn out everyone around me with my worrying. All they say is”it will be ok” and all I want to do is shout back “AND WHAT IF ITS NOT OK? Then what?”
The last thing I want to do is have to go crawling back to him. The last thing I want to do is fuck up my kids more. The last thing I want to do is be, live and feel alone.
I’m already regretting the decision to leave – to give up MY life and MY home. I need strength and focus and I don’t know where to find it. I feel broken
smrisme 
October 18, 2012 at 5:41 am
Ahh, sweetness. Don’t let the doubt overtake you. I can’t say it will all be “ok” because i twill be hard. However, not being abused by him every single minute, it will be WORTH it. Showing your children that you are chosing a better life for you and them is monumental.
It’s ok to feel broken. But, taking this leap, you’re going to be slowly picking up those shattered pieces of you and putting them back together piece by piece one at a time. It will take time and effort. You will think at times “Holy shit I don’t know if I can do this!” But, you are STRONG. You are AMAZING. You are WORTHY. You are ENOUGH.
You’ve got this. I know you do. But be kind to yourself. Honor your emotions. It’s ok to feel them. But I have faith in you.