smrisme

My children are dramatically affected by my husband’s anger and aggression, there’s no doubt about it. I’ve tried talking to him and I’ve tried telling him the little comments the kids make but all it does is offend him, then he feels attacked and things just get worse and worse.

Last night me and the kids were sitting and watching a movie. The garage door opens as my husband is getting home from work. My nine year old says “mommy, I’m scared”. I said “of what Bud?”. He says “that daddys going to yell at me about something”. I don’t even know how to respond to that. So, I told him to put his shoes on and we could go to the store together.

When we left the store we buckled our seat belts and I said “are you ready Bud?” he said “no, not really.”. I said “why not?”. He answered “because Daddy is just going to be yelling at people.” I wanted to validate what he was saying so I said “I know Bud.” and he said “I wish daddy was the first person to go to bed every night.”

The thing I find the most sad is that at nine years old my son should be idolizing his daddy. He should want to hang with him constantly and instead he is afraid and doesn’t want to be around him. Soon he will be a teenager and these formidable years will be over. Soon my husband will lose all opportunities to bond with my son, and it will be his loss.

I will continue to try to diffuse as much as I can, even when I become the target of his assaults. I will continue to try and give my kids the environment for them to be silly and funny and be whatever they want in life. I will continue to try and be the best mom I can be.